Waiting On the World to Change

I've been in a funk. There's been nothing specifically wrong, but just a general feeling of malaise.

Is my husband laid off? Bless God, no. He has a good job. Bruce is smart, he's a very hard worker and even in his fifties, he's in the midst of getting an MBA. He's a wonderful, encouraging and Godly husband.

Am I facing a health crisis? Thank God, I'm not. I have challenges with my health, but I also have free prescription drugs and excellent, low-cost health care at a major medical facility less than a mile away. I have no co-pay for office visits and no charge for ER care or hospitalization.

Facing foreclosure? No. I pray for my country and all the people affected by this economic downturn.

Alone and friendless? No. God has blessed me with a wonderful family and good friends. God even went so far as to have my mentor in CA call me out of the blue in the midst of all this. Anne (my mentor) has serious kidney disease, is in her eighties, was hospitalized recently for a week, then had eye surgery. She also lost her husband of over fifty years not so long ago and not a complaint from her. She still ministers God's love to others and writes as she has for her entire adult life.

I have friends from Hawaii to the East Coast. I even have my good Internet friend Debra who sent me an e-card this morning.

What is the real source of all this angst? My old, so-called friend, poor self esteem. Sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I've been given a different insight on it lately. Lack of self-esteem seems so sad and tragic. How pitiful. It is indeed, to be pitied. However, the real deal is that it is simply sin and the other side of being an egomaniac. It seems much less repellent than a bragging person, all full of herself, but the result is the same.

It is focus on self, nothing more, nothing less. It is selfish, inwardly visioned and all about me, me, me. Poor self-esteem is one of those lies of the Enemy; the Accuser of the brethren. Being an egomaniac causes you to lose sight of others because everything is all about YOU. Poor self esteem has the same result.

Poor self-esteem also causes you to overlook people in your life. I feel too bad about myself, so I can't get it together to cook dinner. I'm struggling with my feelings, so I'm sharp with my Mom when she calls. I could have gotten Barbara that congratulations card, but, well, I was feeling bad about myself.

I'm chosing to believe what God says about me. He says that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. He says that He loves me with an everlasting love. He says that He will never leave me or forsake me. In the Greek, that statement is made in what is called (I believe) the imperative sense. So in the original language it reads, "I will never, ever, no not ever, leave you or forsake you." God sees me as perfected in Jesus Christ. And that is the best self-esteen I could ever have. No self-help book could do better.

So last night, as I was sitting in Subway with my long-suffering husband, (because I was too much in a funk to cook dinner) I heard the lyrics of this song by John Mayer.

"Waiting On The World To Change"

Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

As I sat and ate my sandwich, I got to thinking how irritating this song is. First of all, while you're waiting, John, why don't you pick up a middle school grammar text book. You're waiting FOR the world to change not ON.

So I said to Bruce, "Why don't they quit waiting "on" the world to change and do something about it?" As those words came out my mouth, I thought, "Why don't I do something about it, too?"

So I decided to quit waiting for my world to change. I put a Christmas display out front. I'll have a pic up soon. That made me feel better. I did classwork and I felt better because I'm finishing up my long-neglected college education. I made the bed. I put on some make up. I'll go out to a coffee shop and read the word of God. Later on, I'm going to do a little yard work and clean a small part of the attic. Then I'll pick up my contact lenses. Small steps. And I'm going to get that card for Barbara. All those little thing will make my little world start to change.