Horrible Day

Yuck.  Thursday was a horrible day.  As usual, I found two typos in my blog post after it was up.  Hate that.  I proofread it three times. 

I got in to trouble at work yesterday.  Now, everything turned out just fine.  I am not in trouble now.  However, it just gives me the shivers for anyone at work to think that I’ve done something wrong.  In fact, I don’t want anyone anywhere to think I’ve done something wrong.

I try very hard to do the right thing.  However, there are many gray areas in the division I work in.  Actually, there are many gray areas in law enforcement in general.  That’s where what is called “police discretion” come in.  Every single possible scenario cannot be covered in an SOP, so one must use educated judgment.

There are 39 other people in the state who do my job.  All of us work with a law enforcement officer who is more seasoned than we newbies.  Not everyone in my organization supported the idea from “on high” that created our unique positions.  Change is difficult in any big organization.  Heck, change is difficult for individuals, never mind hundreds of individuals at once.

My more senior colleague and I had not communicated effectively about an issue.  It was nothing deliberate on anyone’s part and certainly not that we were being slackers or trying to do the wrong thing.  However, when I got the speaker phone call from my direct supervisor and the officer, I was filled with dread.  I literally got sick to my stomach.  I fretted, worried, castigated myself, second guessed how I handled it, fumed…basically put myself through the wringer. 

I’m so Godly, right?  Not.  The Godly thing would have been to leave it in His capable hands.  As the Word says, “and having done all, stand.” Nope, I had two glasses of wine while out to dinner, my hands shook all night, and I didn’t sleep.  Jeepers.  Not that I think having a glass of wine is a bad thing, but drinking to calm down from being upset is not a good idea.

Where and when did I decide to leave out that part of the Word which promises, “There is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus?”  Why is it that I think God’s promises apply to everyone except for me?  God knows the cure for every situation, which we can discover in His Word...except for poor, pitiful Annie.  She’s in trouble at work and she’s gonna get it!

After sleeping about an hour during the entire night, I got up and went to work.  My more senior co-worker called my cell phone and my stomach lurched.  I let it go to voice mail to give myself time to think briefly.  I was really angry that he had gone over my head to my supervisor before he ever talked to me.  I thought of being cold and distant for a second, you know, to punish him.  Of course that would make any interaction SO MUCH BETTER…not!

Golden rule, baby.  Treat him as you would want to be treated.  Love justice, seek mercy, and walk humbly with your God.  I forced my voice to be cordial when I called back.  He had several items for me to take care of. I took all the information down.  I took a deep breath and apologized to him for the trouble yesterday. You can always say that you’re sorry for a misunderstanding or a stressful situation.

Do you know what?  I’m not in any trouble. He told me that I didn’t need to apologize and that he was sorry, too.  We reviewed what happened.   We brainstormed strategies for better communication.  We realized that there were two issues that were a bit confusing for both of us, so we agreed to get clarification from our mutual supervisor.  We both hung up feeling like we could work together better

What would have happened if I threw a fit?  What would have happened if kept my voice cold – men hate that!  Would I have had a good outcome if I went to complain to my supervisor?   I don’t think I would have had such a positive result, do you?

Maybe I don’t immediately handle this kind of thing well, but thank God I was able to hear Him by the next day.  Thank God I listened to that still, small voice telling me what to do this morning.  Thank God I listened and I obeyed.